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Feeling Useless

2008-09-27T20:07:00.001-07:00

Well, it's obvious to me now that there will be little sleep this night. So I thought that I'd might as well put up a post on my blog while Stacey takes a turn with Josiah.

Tonight he seems to be having a tummy ache. The poor little guy's belly keeps gurgling so loud and he makes the most miserable faces as it does. We took Josiah to the doctor Thursday and she gave us some formula specially formulated to lessen gas because this has been going on for a few days now. At first we thought it was working but apparently we were wrong.

Stacey and I feel so sorry for the little fella as it is obvious that he is miserable. We've burped him so much our arms are about to fall off to no avail. We've given him Mylicon in his formula for added gas relief yet again to no avail.

We've tried burping him several times throughout the feeding and manage to get some really impressive belches out of the little guy (Not to mention he'll rip some pretty loud ones from the over end as well.) but most the time it just isn't enough. As soon as he's nearing the end of his bottle his little tummy starts gurgling. Another odd thing it that this almost always happens at night. leaving Stacey and I exhausted come morning.

It stinks feeling so useless and at the end of your rope, and knowing that your little one is so miserable and yet there's nothing you know to do to help.

My Little Monkey Toes

2008-09-18T16:39:00.000-07:00

Yes my sweet little boy is back home. His jaundice levels are way down and the nurse at the hospital said that he his now old enough that jaundice should no longer be an issue.

I've been meaning to post about this for a few days now but haven't gotten around to it until tonight. The first time I saw my son he was flexing his little arms and legs and consequently his fingers and toes!

My first thought was "My goodness he's got the longest toes!" Which he takes after me by the way, anyone who sees me barefoot usually comments that I have very long toes. I think that they are so cute. (His, not mine.) Especially the way he flexes them when I'm changing his diaper.

So here it is, the photo you've all been waiting for, baby Josiah's toes.

Aren't they cute?

Fatherhood?

2008-09-15T21:45:00.000-07:00

Since most of those who read this blog also read that of my wife, Stacey, it should be known that I'm the proud papa of a bouncing baby boy!

Josiah James Kelley was born Saturday, September 13th 2008 at 3:22 a.m. He weighed six pounds and twelve ounces and was 20.75 inches long!

It was an extremely difficult labor and delivery for my wife Stacey, and I can honestly say that she went through it with a determination that blows me away! I am SO proud of her that I don't honestly know how to express it. She is the most wonderful wife a man could have and I love her more than she'll ever know. Yes, God has truly blessed me.

I find myself now in awe of the powerful feelings that grip me. I knew that I would love my new son, but I've never felt this strongly for anyone except my wife Stacey. He is the most beautiful and wonderful little boy I've ever seen. I can see my wife and I in his features as well as those of his grandparents.

At the same time, there's a part of me that's almost afraid of him! I fear that I can't keep up with the little guy's demands and meet his needs, and that intimidates me. How is it that one can experience such a mixed dichotomy of feelings?

I'm doing my best to embrace the overpowering love and protectiveness I feel for him while ignoring my fears and hoping they'll go away with time. I love this tiny squirming baby so much that I'd be willing to die for him. Every move he makes, every little gesture of expression that crosses his tiny face fascinates and thrills me. I am so in love with this little baby!

I probably sound like a fool, .............

I FEEL like a fool.

Anytime I was walking the halls of the hospital this weekend, I found myself fighting the urge to stop total strangers and tell them of this little wonder that God has put into my life.

Then, five minutes later, I'd be fighting down panic as I realized that I was now a parent. That it's up to me to be a father and provider to Josiah!

So I ask you, is this normal? Is this fatherhood?

Feeling Old

2008-09-09T20:26:00.000-07:00

Stacey thinks it's hilarious, but lately I'm feeling old. Yes, I know, I'm only 32 years old, but now with a baby on the way, I feel like my life is over.

What I mean is this, now that I'm going to be a father, I have to be more focused on his life and future dreams than my own. The best, most noble use of my energy will be to focus on improving Josiah's quality of life. To me, it's very important that he have a Father who gives him his full attention whenever possible. I feel that there will be little to no time to pursue my own dreams.

I fear that I've wasted my life up until now. Ever since I've been a child I've loved to draw, and I always took it for granted that someday I would eventually succeed in making a career out of it. But the last several years life has become so busy and distracting for me that I've allowed drawing to fall by the wayside. I always intend to set some time aside to sketch but when that time comes I'm too tired (Or maybe lazy is a more honest word.)

Now, Josiah will be coming into our lives and I want to give him all the love and attention that I can. I want to carry as much weight in caring for him as I possibly can. I don't want Stacey to feel like she's being left to do it all on her own.

I know that I've never seen him or held him yet but I already love Josiah so much that I can't put it into words. I can hardly wait to hold him for the first time. I find myself standing around at work sometimes just wondering what color his eyes will be and grinning like a fool.

I want to give him the world and the very best of myself. And because of that I feel like there will never be any time for my own personal interests or pursuits. And that makes me feel old.

Does this make me a bad person? Does it mean that as far as my own aspirations in life go that I'm a failure? These are the things that I'm struggling with, even as my pulse races at the thought of seeing my baby boy.

No I am not dead! I'm just busy. :P

2008-09-03T14:02:00.000-07:00

I was very surprised this weekend, when someone whom I'd have never thought read my page, asked me when was I EVER going to post something new? So here I am back at the keyboard again.

As most if not all of you know by now, I'm gonna be a Papa! This is part of the reason why there have been no posts in months. You see, when we first found out that my beautiful wife had conceived a child I was told by said beautiful wife that if I told anyone that she was pregnant before she was ready to release the news that I just might not live to see the little one be born!

I agreed (mostly to save my precious neck) to not post anything on my blog and she put down the knife. But a day or two later when I was going to post an update here, I realized that my upcoming fatherhood was all I could think about! So that part of the reason I haven't updated in a while.

The other reason is my wife's blog. Since almost everyone that reads my blog, gets here from my wife's blog, there's nothing going on in my life that she hasn't already posted about. Plus, Stacey does such a wonderful job posting pics with her updates that when I go an look at my blog, I'm disappointed. Mine just seems so boring to me in comparison to hers.

It's not just that she has pictures on her blog either, Stacey has a great talent for photography, that she seems to be able to make the most mundane subject matter seem interesting. While I'm a decent artist with paper and pencil, photography is just not my forte.

It was a very short trip from these two things to just forgetting about my fledgling blog entirely. Soon we began purchasing things for the baby and planning to turn the old computer room into a nursery. That, coupled with being moved back to day shift at work, and an entirely different department than where I had worked for five years to boot! I just let the blog simply drift into limbo.

However, I vow to try and post at least something once a week if not more from now on. So now all my faithful readers, you won't be left in the dark. (All three of you.) :P

The Machinist

2008-02-07T22:45:00.000-08:00

I read about this movie on the internet tonight and it slightly reminded me of myself. Christian Bale plays a CNC lathe operator with insomnia who fears that he may be going crazy.

Working midnights is really starting to wear me down. It's been three weeks or so and I'm a wreck. When I get home from work I can't go to sleep. My body thinks "hey it's daytime we're not supposed to be in bed!" Most days I can't drift off untill ten o'clock or so.

Then, once I get to sleep I simply cannot wake up! If left undisturbed by Stacey or the telephone I'll sleep ten or eleven hours untill it's time to get up and go to work again. Even if I've had plenty of sleep it's all I can do to drag myself out of bed.

I'm ALWAYS tired now. It's beginning to be that I am almost always in a bad mood and grouchy. The other night I went off on my wife for several minutes before I realized what I was doing and had to apologize. And it may sound silly but I find myself hating our dog Frankie. I simply do not have the patience to put up with him.

I'd say this is about how I feel right now.

I can't say anything to my supervisor at work about this however, because working midnights is the only thing keeping me from being laid off. As most of you who read my blog already know, it's an extremely hard time to be looking for a job in Michigan these days. There's nothing out there unless you want to work for minimum wage.

So I'm stuck. I feel like I'm living life in slow motion but at the same time it seems like time is just flying by. Probably because I'm sleeping all the time I guess. I'm assuming that it will get better in time as my body becomes more accustomed to it's new sleeping schedule. I HOPE it does anyway.

Stacey has been such a sweetheart through all of this. She's been very forgiving of my moodiness and accepts my apologies so gracefully. She keeps telling me to not worry about it when I sleep all day and spend hardly any time with her. I thank God for giving me such a patient and loving wife. But the problem is that I miss the time with her also.

I'm so glad to see her when she gets home from work but I'm so sleepy that I'm lucky if I get an hour with her before dozing off.

So, anyway thanks for "listening" to me rant about my problems. Those of you that are believers just please keep us in prayer and I'll owe you guys one.

The Graveyard Shift

2008-01-18T01:11:00.000-08:00

So now I'm working midnights. For the next month I'm to split my duties between inspecting parts and supervising 4 guys running production.

It's a very slow shift. The nights seem to drag on forever sometimes and I feel guilty when I'm just standing around with nothing to do. I've been using the time to work on my book, (Page three is penciled and needs inking while here at work I've begun the rough sketches for page 4.) but I feel like I'm stealing from the company.

I mentioned this to my boss and he just blew it off saying that's how nightshift is, so I guess it's ok.

I find it amusing however to be supervising instead of supervised. I thank God that I'm simply back to work no matter what I'm doing.

Is the enemy of my enemy my friend?

2008-01-16T20:37:00.000-08:00

I haven't written much about my return to work yet so I thought now would be a good time.

I returned to work on January 2, thinking that everything was ok. Boy was I wrong. I hadn't been at work for an hour yet when I found out that there had been arguments about whether to call me back or not. Bob my supervisor fighting for my return was no surprise to me really, we've worked together for five years now and he's taught me everything I know.

But a big surprise to me was that a certain supervisor that I've always had trouble with was also with Bob in the fight to return me to work. I've written about him before here somewhere, John.

Now if you had asked me who I would have thought would fight to keep me OUT of the shop I would have told you that he would have been at the forefront. He's always given me the impression that he didn't like me as a person or my abilities as an inspector. We have butted heads at many times in the past and nobody has ever driven me to the brink of loosing self-control like he has.

However, he argued FOR me when the debate began about whether to return me to work or not. He even insisted he didn't want one of the other inspectors to return he wanted ME specifically because he trusts me to do the work properly.

Wow! What a surprise eh?

But that's not all. A supervisor that I don't even work for was one of the most vehement opponents to my return. He's the IT manager here at our company and since I work on the factory floor I've had very little interaction with the man. His name is Mike.

I've no idea what he'd have against me returning unless it has to do with saving money somehow. I am one of the highest paid employees on the production floor, though that is not saying much here, they pay very little.

Also as far as I know my work performance has always been satisfactory to everyone here besides John's criticizms. So I don't know.

Either way I'm back to work. For the first two weeks it's been work as usual here, however at a much slower pace. There is little work and I'm told that often nowadays we only work four days a week.

Now the last and wierdest thing.

Last week my supervisor Bob came to me and said that because work is so slow I am in danger of being laid off again. He asked if I would be willing to step down from inspecting parts to running a machine making them. I said that I would although I didn't like it. (It's better than being laid off again!) He said that it would only be temporary and that as soon as things picked up again I'd return to my inspection position. He told me to expect to begin running a machine somewhere around the end of the month.

Then, the next day, Bob comes to me again and tells me that the supervisor on 3rd shift is taking an unexpected leave of absence. He then asked me if I'd be interested in filling this position for the month that the regular supervisor will be away.

(To be continued...)

My first post of the new year!

2008-01-12T13:41:00.000-08:00

First off I hope that everyone had a great holiday season. As any of you who read my wife's blog already know, we went to Ohio and West Virginia for the holidays. It was lots of fun.

A lot has been going on and that's part of the reason I haven't posted. I got so busy that I just haven't spent much time on the computer lately.

First, I'm back to work! I returned to work on January 3rd. This was a great relief for Stacey and I as they were about to cancel our health insurance because I wasn't working. However, the situation at work is still sort of in limbo right now. Work is still slow and the other day I was asked would I be willing to run a machine instead of be an inspector if they kept my pay rate the same.

I told them that I was, but that I didn't like it because it feels like a step down from my current position as a Quality Inspector. Then, two day's ago, I was also asked would I be willing to fill in for the supervisor on the midnight shift for a month in February. Wierd huh? First asked to do a demoted position, immediately after offered a temporary promotion! Again I said yes, I would do it and now it's in God's hands. For the moment I'm still working as and inspector and that's just fine with me. Fortunately I like my job.

Page three of my book is almost complete and I'm beginning to ink it now. With the return to work I find it more difficult to work on my book. Now I'm so tired after work that I'm lucky to spend an hour and a half a day on it.

Finally today is my first day not SMOKING! I'm trying these new nicotine lozenges that a friend reccomended and so far they seem to be helping. The only problem is that I'm finding it hard to focus a little bit. Please keep me in prayer as I struggle to break free from this stronghold in my life.

Page 2 complete at last, or giving birth.

2007-12-09T19:09:00.000-08:00

I think that I've stated before that I hadn't done any finished artwork in some time. I didn't know how out of practice I had become! I can remember a time when I could have done a page like this in a day or two. A day being about eight actual hours of work mind you.

But I am glad to report that page two is now complete. It's been a long time since I've been pleased with ANY of my artwork but there are elements of this page that actually please me. I'm not too please with the figure looking up at the sky or how flat the background in that panel is either. But the cross-hatching in the last panel is somewhat like I wanted it to turn out as well as the leaves of the trees closer to the foreground. Overall I think that a true professional working for a comic book company would be ashamed to show this page to his editor. But for me it's the best that I can do and I'm pleased with it.

Before any of you think I'm being too hard on myself please keep in mind that I read a LOT of comic books, and have been doing so almost all of my life. I'm only trying to keep an honest perspective on things.

I know that this may sound strange to some but I hope that even if I ever do become a professional penciler for comics someday, I hope that I can still look at my work and see what I got wrong as well as what I'm proud of. I think that it's good for me and will help to keep me humble. I've met a few really good artists over the years, some of them professionals themselves, and some of them seemed to me to be arrogant because of how well they could preform their craft. I don't ever want to be like that.

I was talking to my pastor on the telephone yesterday and he asked me if I enjoyed drawing. That was a difficult question to answer, there's no simple answer.

On one hand I love it. The feel of the pencil in my hands. Watching the ideas in my head take shape for others to see. The comfort of being familiar with the tools of my craft, sometimes they feel like old friends. And finally the joy of completing the work and holding it in my hands to look at and show to others.

On the other hand, I loathe it. The difficulty of making myself sit still for hours on end. The utter frustration of knowing what I want to draw but not knowing quite how it's done sometimes. The tedium of first penciling all of the small details I want, and then the anxiety of tracing over them with permanent ink.

I tried to express some of this to my pastor, Chris, and he told me that it was the same for him sometimes when he's preparing a sermon. He called it the process of "giving birth", a term I hadn't heard applied to a labor of love in quite some time. And it struck a resonant chord within me. That feeling of satisfaction that you get when you hear someone articulate something that you've never been able to put into words before.

Yes, that's exactly how I would describe drawing for me.

Giving birth.

So anyway, now that I'm done waxing philosophical, here's my new baby, Page 2. I hope you like it, but either way I'd love to read your comments.

Oh and again, those of you that pray, please do so for me. You see tomorrow, I start having my first labor pains for page 3. {:P

Back To The Old Drawing Board

2007-11-28T13:04:00.000-08:00

Sabbath

"Do you believe in God, Brandon?"

This is the opening line to my Christian comic book. I've had the inspiration for this story for about ten years now. I've figured out most of the plot points and have them outlined in my head. As of late I've begun to write out this outline in some of my free time and send it to my friend Abel Ramirez to review.

Little did I know that by beginning to write these things out would inspire me to start drawing again for the first time in about a year! I'm a horrible procrastinator as the infrequency of my posts on this blog should attest. I haven't really completed any finished artwork to talk about since I was wed in 2006. Until now.

This is the first page of my comic and I started doing the rough pencils for page 2 last night. I'm excited and at the same time apprehensive at the same time.

This book idea has been something close to my heart for over ten years now, and every time I try to start working on it I only get a few pieces done and then run out of steam. You could say that these past failures have made me loose faith in myself to the point now that I don't really think I'll ever finish it.

I've seen many Christian comic books over the years, ranging from really good to awful. And every time I see them I feel like maybe God is calling me to make one for Him. I just don't know if it's really Him or just my own flesh telling me what I want to hear.

I guess eventually I'll find out eh? As of right now I'm once again working on the idea, and if any of you reading this are believers I ask you to pray for me that for once in my life I could actually finish the project. And that God would guide me in doing so, I want this story and artwork to be both entertaining and glorifying to Him. Even if it never sees publication I'd love to at least say that I wrote and drew this story, at least for my own satisfaction.

When, If, I finish the next page I'll post it for you. Maybe with a little more information about the specifics of my story. Please feel free to leave your comments on the art, or the idea of a Christian comic book in general.

What life has taught me.

2007-10-30T21:39:00.001-07:00

My beautiful wife told me today that next to her father I'm the smartest person she knows. I think that's so sweet of her. And it's kind of funny. Funny how others see you differently than you see yourself.

I don't really know a whole lot of things. Below is what I do know (Or at least think I do) and how I came to know it. It's long so I won't blame you if you want to skip to the bullets at the bottom and just cut to the chase. If not, then read on and get to know me a little better.

Like my wife Stacey, I'm an only child. Born to two simple country people that moved to the city to find their fortunes. That may sound romantic to some but it really wasn't. I know that my mother and father loved each other, but there was little romance.

My mother was from Kentucky and she was 24 when she met my dad who was 35. He, an illiterate from West Virginia worked in a stamping plant in Detroit, and still lived with his parents because he couldn't read enough to make it on his own. Mom married him mostly because he was kind to her and she thought that at 24 she was an old maid.

I know this because my mother told me. She talked to me a lot about her life when I was a child. I don't think she really expected me to remember any of it, or understand. It was just that she was mostly a lonely and melancholy housewife who needed SOMEONE to talk to.

My father likes to romanticize their past and believes that it was some great love story. And to his perceptions it probably is. He is a simple person with simple needs and pleasures. As long as there is no strife he's happy. For once in my life I'm glad that he can't read. That way he'll never find this. Not for any money in the world would I want to shatter his illusions. My mom passed away in 1990 and now that I'm grown up, married and on my own I think that sometimes his illusions are all he has to keep him company.

When I was a teenager I hated his guts. Now that I'm a man, (or what I pass off as one.) I love him dearly.

Mom died when I was 14 years old. This left me taking care of my dad from then on out and my childhood ended. But in truth it actually ended the year before once Mom was too sick to do anything. I hated my dad for not being able to be a parent to me. I hated that he had a learning disability. Sometimes to this day I hate my family for not stepping in to help me. They didn't care though and in part I understand, they had their own lives to live I guess.

On New Years Day 1993 my Dad went on what my Mom would have called a "Kelley fit" and beat me in my bed in the pre-dawn hours of the morning. The struggle of a father and his teenage son had reached a point where he just couldn't handle it anymore.

This time my mom's side of the family tried to help a bit. They took me to one of my cousin's house for a few days to let my Dad and I "cool off". While I was gone, the police were called and when my Dad talked to them he told them that I was this crazy teenager that was out of control. The police never even talked to me to see what happened, they took Dad at his word even though he'd beat me so bad that his right hand was swelled up like an overripe fruit.

While I was still at my cousin's house. One of them, whom will remain nameless, tried to make me "fess up" that I had instigated the whole situation and admit that it was all my fault. I felt so alone.

But not as alone as two days later when I packed some of my favorite belongings into my gym bag and left the house. Dad thought I was just going to school, but I was running away from home. I did go to school that day however, I told my guidance counselor about what had happened and he wanted to put me into a boy's home or foster care. This terrified me so I snuck out of school before anything could be done.

I eventually ended up living with an aunt from my dad's side of the family. She took me in but I don't really think it was because she cared as much as she let on. Don't get me wrong I DO think she did care to an extent. But I think that what motivated her to move me in, was my $400 a month social security check.

Life at my aunt's house was far from ideal. Her only son dropped out of school that first year I lived with them and began to spend all his time smoking pot and partying. A few of my other cousins soon began to live at my aunt's house too and it was drug and party central all the time.

I remember laying in bed on school nights miserable because the noise in the living room was so loud that I couldn't get to sleep. Laying there watching the hours tick by till it was time to get up and go to school. I would often have to step over people passed out on the floor as I'd make my way to the front door to leave.

My Aunt didn't really care all that much, she was never there. She spent 90% of her time with her drunk ex-husband and only came home once a week to do laundry. Often she wouldn't even be home for the whole day. She'd come home in the morning, do the laundry and then leave in the evening to be with her ex for another week.

I appreciated that my Aunt took me off the street, but I also hated her and my cousins. It surprises me now that I had the good sense to at least finish High School. Wasn't smart enough to go to college though but oh well "them's the breaks" as some say.

The silver lining was the Garcia family. Their son was friends with my cousin and for no known reason but true kindness the father of that family reached out to me. His name is George, and he's everything my dad was not. Smart, articulate, imaginative, and most importantly he was accepting.

I would spend every minute I could at the Garcia house. Whenever school was out for the summer they would let me stay at their home until it started up again. The same for all the holiday breaks and weekends. George would set up late at night talking with me, playing video games and teaching me about computers and ham radios.

I did finish High School eventually, two years late because of the time I missed when my mother was sick and dying and the depression that I fell into afterward.

Once I finished school I finally succumbed to temptation and began to party and experiment with drugs with my cousins.

I wasted about a year of my life stoned on pot or tripping on acid. But eventually God got through to me and made me realize that I didn't want to live my life that way. I was able to break out of those bad habits with the only hold over being a pack a day cigarette habit which I'm still trying to break.

I finally moved out of my aunt's house to a place of my own and almost made the mistake of marrying the wrong girl. It was a very co-dependent relationship that I had with her, and most of it was based upon lies. Mine. I was willing to do or say anything just to be accepted.

God thankfully broke me out of that situation as well. Well, to be truthful he had to drag me kicking and screaming out of it. I had no clue what I wanted except to be accepted and in some kind of relationship, any kind of relationship so that I wouldn't be alone.

The next couple of years were really tough. Although I cried and complained the whole time, God began to teach me that I didn't NEED others to be O.K. with myself, I only WANTED others.

At the same time, I began to really struggle with O.C.D. though I didn't know that was what was wrong with me at the time. I thought that I had committed the unpardonable sin and it was driving me crazy. It was all that I could think about and looking back upon that time I do not know how I continued to function and hold a job.

I was nearly at the point of suicide before I got help. But it did do one good thing for me. When I thought that I was damned beyond all hope of redemption it made me realize that the ONLY one I really needed to be O.K. was God. It was also during this time that my real Dad and I began to heal our relationship and that I came to love him again.

Finally around 2005 I met Stacey, on the internet of all places. She and I hit it off very quickly and I realized that I really was in love this time. Fearful of repeating my past mistakes I worked diligently to be open and honest with her about everything.

And I do mean everything.

The only person who knows more about me than Stacey is God I think.

I expected her to turn away in disgust but to my total surprise she didn't. She says that the flaws that I reveal to her makes her love me more because I'm real. (Me, real, go figure.)

Anyway, the rest is history as they say. Stacey and I were wed on May 3rd 2006 in the same back yard where my parents had their wedding reception 30 years prior. Is that romantic? It is to me and Stacey at least, and I guess that's all that matters.

Has it been happily ever after? No. We've had our arguments and trials like everyone does. And we continue on, leaning on God to help and guide us.

So why have I written this enormously long post? I forget....Oh yes! I was going to talk about what life has taught me. Not much, but I thank God for what I DO know, and I guess this is it.

Anyone can to ANYTHING. Good or bad. Those horrible things that you tell yourself you would NEVER do? Oh yeah, in the right set of circumstances we ALL would. So it's best to do what you can (I know that it's hard.) not to judge someone else or look down on them.

It's also good not to have too high of an opinion of yourself based on what you have done and wouldn't do. All it takes is for one small tiny thing to change everything you THINK you know about yourself.

There are no heros. Only people, be you a bum, millionaire or a priest it makes no difference. I've seen preachers who beat their kids and atheists who are wonderful people. In the end we're all the same, just people, and were very imperfect. The only true hero you can have and trust in is Jesus Christ. The rest of us are "just plain folks".

True family is what you make it. Your uncle can be a stranger to you and your coworker can actually be the best brother you've ever had. So love whatever family you have because whether their your uncle of your coworker they are precious.

True love is a choice, NOT a feeling. No one falls in love, you fall in a mud puddle or off a ladder. Whether you think you do or not you choose to love someone. Even if you don't know when or how you made the choice. To me, choosing to love someone even when you know just how messed up they really are is true romance.

Your feelings can sometimes be liars. If you believe a lie long enough you can have truly strong feelings that back it up. But that doesn't make it true. The truth can sometimes feel fake and alien because of the strangeness of it, or because of the lies we've believed. But if you ignore the feelings and discard the lies, God can help your feelings to catch up with what is really true. The most saintly people I know often say they feel like such horrible sinners.

You can't make anyone do anything. You can't change anyone but yourself and that's going to be much harder than you think. Without God most of the changes you make are for the worst or superficial. So what makes you think that your special or smart enough to make someone else change?

Jesus is Lord. Whether you acknowledge Him as so or not, He is sovereign over all. No matter how out of control life may seem God is still in control. Luckily for us He loves us and died for our sins and rose again. But He's wise enough not to make you believe in him. He wants you to choose to believe in and love him. That's the only way it can be real.
Lastly, this post is way too long. If you've read this far you deserve a medal, so I'll close and say "Goodnight."

More Wicked

2007-10-30T08:10:00.001-07:00

I still can't say enough about this wonderful Musical. From the moment I heard "What Is This Feeling" I was hooked. If we do make a trip to Chicago to see this show I'll probably have it all memorized by then.

So here's another clip from the show. Enjoy...

Wicked

2007-10-29T02:24:00.000-07:00

Wicked, the Broadway Musical. Have any of you ever seen it?

I'd heard of it on the radio once a long time ago but never paid much attention. The other day I was on a message board and someone posted a link to a song from it. From the minute I heard it I was hooked.

Wicked is the story of the Wicked Witch of the west from the Wizard of Oz. It tells about how she got that title. It also tells how she and Glenda the Good became best friends. The parts I've found on Youtube are very funny and interesting. And the songs are great.

Stacey and I have discussed it and we are now in the process of planning a trip to Chicago sometime in the near future to go see Wicked. I can't wait, I think that this has actually replaced My Fair Lady as my favorite musical of all time.

Below is one of the numbers from the show performed for a UK benefit. This scene is from the beginning of the story where the two witches are assigned as roommates in college.

Life Is Like A Vapor

2007-10-28T01:43:00.000-07:00

I got a call Tuesday night from my Aunt Liz with startling news. She'd called to tell me that my cousin Alice was in the hospital and not expected to live. This news came as such a shock! I hadn't even heard that she was sick and now she was about to die?!

Sure enough the next day she was gone. A week before she had been fine as far as she and everyone else knew. A harsh reminder to me that tomorrow is not promised to any of us. This is why the bible says that TODAY is the day. We can't smugly rest assured that we have a tomorrow just because things are going well.

A little about my "Aunt" Alice.

Alice was my mom's best friend when I was a child. She married my dad's cousin, Cecil a few years prior to my parents marriage and she and my mother really hit it off. They spent several days a week together throughout most of my childhood. And somehow I grew up calling her "Aunt" even though she was really a cousin.

I'd bet one of the reason that my mom and her became friends was because of her hospitality. Aunt Alice had a way of making you feel welcome in any situation. The way I've always seen her is as a true southern belle. She was always so beautiful with her jet black hair and kind demeanor.

Alice loved children. Be it her grandchildren or a child of one of her friends she always had time to talk to them and give them gifts. Many of my best presents when I was a kid came from my Aunt Alice.

Many people will say good things about someone else once they pass away just because they are gone, but that's not the case here. Monday I was scanning some of my mother's old photos to burn to a DVD when I came across Aunt Alice's photo. My wife happened to be in the room and comment on her and I stopped and was telling her many of these same things I've written here. So what I'm writing about her here aren't some sentimental musings because she's died. It's my true opinion of her and always has been.

I only wish that I had taken the time to tell her how much she meant to me. But I made that arrogant mistake of thinking that tomorrow was guaranteed.

Today we went to her funeral. It was really hard to see her there surrounded by pictures of her great-grandchildren and her beloved Elvis. That woman was a die hard Elvis fan by the way. There were family there that I hadn't seen in over fifteen years or more. Somehow it seemed to make the whole thing seem so surreal.

Alice and her daughters Joan (left) and Theresa (right)

I don't know her exact age but Aunt Alice was somewhere in her mid sixties, which is part of the reason her passing comes as such a surprise. She was always so vital and energetic that I would have thought she'd have outlived most of us well into her ninety's.

On a slightly more positive note, it was really good to see so many family members I hadn't seen in years. Stacey really enjoyed all their old tales about my childhood. And when Joan, Alice's oldest daughter started telling Stacey about changing my diaper when I was a baby and joking about my baby butt I couldn't help but laugh out loud.

One of my cousin's Sheila who's about the same age as I and one of my original playmates gave Stace all kinds of dirt on me. I think it's cute how Stacey ate it all up.

Stacey was very kind and supportive throughout this and I'm very grateful to God for giving me such a sweet and understanding wife. Loosing my Aunt Alice just serves to make me all the more grateful for those that I love.

Aunt Alice, I love you and I'll truly miss you.

Caution: Men At Work

2007-10-11T12:37:00.000-07:00

Well if I had to choose one word to describe today it would be LOUD!!!!

We are getting our house insulated, so all I've heard today is the grinding of drills, the noise of generators and the banging of hammers. This place really needed it though, during the early part of spring the furnace ran almost constantly, and our gas bill was enormous.

We've already had work done on the furnace when we moved in. So short of buying a whole new one (which we can't afford.) we decided to check and see about insulation. We got about 5 different quotes but everyone said the same thing. That the house was very poorly insulated.

So Stacey and I are hoping this will give us some relief, and I'm sure it will. They really put a heavy coat of insulation in the attic, so if that's any indication of what's inside the walls we should be all set for winter.

I really have to say a big thank you to my father who financed the whole project. He heard that we were getting estimates and offered to pay for the whole thing! Now that was a blessing.

Update: A Death In The Family

2007-10-08T23:16:00.000-07:00

Yes I'm back after leaving this page in blog limbo for about a month. A lot has happened in that time and some of it is the reason that I haven't posted an entry in such a long while.

Any of you who read my wife's blog know most of what I'm going to discuss here, if not your in for a bit of drama.

A little over a month ago I found out I was going to be a father. This idea both excited and terrified me at the same time. Stacey was a bit late with her period and kept blowing it off while I had a hunch that maybe she had conceived. Finally, after using a store bought test Stacey visited a clinic and we received the good news.

My first thoughts were elation, followed by the realization of how immature and selfish I am. Well now it truly was time for me to grow up. No more time to be selfish, I was going to have to care for not only my wife but also a child. I immediately grew excited and wanted to tell all of my friends and family, while Stacey wanted to sit on the news for a while and keep it secret until she was farther along.

This was part of the reason I haven't posted in so long. I found it increasingly hard to think of anything but our upcoming parenthood. So naturally I wanted to blog about it and that would tell the "secret" that Stacey wanted to keep under wraps for a bit longer. So I just avoided my blog altogether.

We began discussing baby names and had come to an agreement on one if it was a girl. (Which is what I was hoping for.) Stacey in her uncanny ability to be organized no matter what the circumstances are, began to change her diet and make quiet plans. I am so proud of her.

Then came the lay-off at work. Yes I am STILL laid-off! This could not have come at a worse time! Here we're about to experience a life change that will be financially taxing in our life and I am no longer the primary bread winner of the household.

My employer claims that they will have me come back as soon as work picks up. But in today's economy there's no guarantee that it will for a long time. I work in the automotive industry and it's been rocked to it's foundations the last few years.

But I digress, Stacey was going to have a baby! As the weeks passed, we began to grow more and more excited about the idea. We began to discuss turning the study into a nursery and told our parents and some friends at church the good news.

Then, while I was taking care of some business out of town in West Virginia with my Father, I got a phone call from my wife. She had just come home from an urgent care clinic because she was experiencing heavy bleeding and cramping. They told her that it was just a bladder infection but I knew better.

I immediately canceled the rest of my plans with my Dad and jumped into the car for the 8+ hours home to be with my wife. I knew that it was very likely that she was loosing the child. I went through a million different emotions on that drive home, and uttered more prayers for my wife and child than I can recall. I made record time getting home that day, and it's only by the grace of God that I didn't end up with a ticket or worse.

It's the most horrible feeling in the world to know that your wife is going through an emotional and physical crisis and your not there to be with her. And it's the most wonderful feeling to finally get there and scoop her up into your arms and know that she's O.K.

She was O.K. physically, but the baby was lost. After days of tests and doctors visits that had our hopes going up and down, we got the definitive answer. Stacey had miscarried.

My heart broke that evening as I held my wife in my arms while she cried and mourned the loss. I felt like it was my fault somehow. Maybe I hadn't been happy enough and God had passed judgment somehow? But I think that these feelings are only natural considering the circumstances.

I'm eternally grateful that my wife is o.k. and comforted by the fact that we can try again someday for another child. I'm not complaining, but I've had plenty of hard knocks and made plenty of mistakes in my life. Grief is an old friend that I'm well acquainted with. I know many ways of dealing with it, both constructive to destructive. But up until now it's only been something I've had to deal with as a solo act.

But it hurts me to my very core to see the grief and pain that my wife is going through. Her pain hurts more to me than the loss itself. I never got to hold our baby in my arms. I never knew the smell of it's skin. It's easier for me to deal with this loss than of someone I've seen and known.

Stacey has the kindest and most generous heart of ANYONE I've ever known in my life. She is the most passionate giver that I've ever seen. As soon as I knew her, I loved her, and knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life caring for and protecting this angel in disguise. But now I feel helpless and like I've failed her.

I can't protect her from this pain. If I could hurt in her place I most gladly would. I want to "fix" this but I can't. And I can't heal her, only God and time can. I can only pray that He will use me to be a comfort and encouragement to her while He heals this wound.

Please pray for Stacey and I as we deal with this time of our lives.

Unemployed

2007-09-16T00:29:00.000-07:00

Yep, that's right, I got laid off on Wednesday at quitting time. Luckily for me they said to come back on the 24th of this month. It really came as a surprise to me though, I knew that things were slow but I didn't know that they were THAT bad. So sixty percent of us just got a week's enforced vacation.

So what have I been doing with my time you ask? Nothing, and I'm loving every minute of it. I singed up for unemployment on Thursday afternoon (thanks George) and I've been just relaxing around the house ever since.

I've been taking a room a day and cleaning it while the wife is at work. I told her not to worry about any housework while I'm laid off except for laundry. But for me cleaning the house isn't really work, not compared to hefting forty pound axles all day long.

The only bad thing for me is that I'd have liked to go see my dad in West Virginia while I'm off but the timing is bad. I'm almost out of my meds and I don't have a refill. I have to go to my doctor on the 19th to get one and by then I couldn't really go down there for more than three days.

Bummer, my Dad would have loved a week long visit if I could have managed it. Oh well, Stacey and I plan to go down there sometime late next month anyway so that will have to do.

My Fair Lady

2007-09-06T02:08:00.000-07:00

Well, not much going on lately. Work is terribly slow, if it were not already a short work week I think we would only have enough work for four days anyway. This is not cool, makes for small paydays. :(

But rather than whine about my job woes I think I'll share a scene from one of my favorite movies, My Fair Lady. Enjoy.

A Stroke Of Luck

2007-09-04T17:30:00.000-07:00

For the recent holiday I got a four day weekend! Mostly because work is VERY slow right now, but I enjoyed having the time off so I'm not complaining.

Payday fell on this weekend also which for me, meant Transformer shopping time! I set out this weekend to find the new Arcee figure. As usual since the movie came out, all the stores were empty! I swear I'm gonna set up a tent in the toy aisle at my local Target and Toys R Us, and the first scalper who comes in trying to buy all the figures at once so he can sell them on eBay is going to get shot in the face!

Being that she's the only female autobot she sorta reminds me of Smurfette.

The stores were not actually empty, but the pickings were slim. There are two versions of the Arcee figure available and I saw several of the one that I already have. (Not to mention the '08 Bumblebee figure I spent so long searching for, it figures.) But that was about it. So after going to three stores I settled on another figure that caught my eye. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Dropkick.

Although he comes in Transformers Movie packaging he's actually supposed to be a character from the new video game. I didn't care either way, it was love at first sight. He's a kick butt little figure!

So my wife and I headed home with me satisfied for the most part. Stacey was even so nice as to offer to buy me the $80 Ultimate Bumblebee figure because she felt sorry for me because I once again couldn't find what I was originally looking for. I thanked her but turned the offer down, I was satisfied with what I had and I really can't see spending 80 bucks on a Transformers toy that's not from the 80's. ($80 is a reasonable price for several of the old figures on eBay.)

On the way home we were passing a Super Kmart of all things and my wife asked me if I wanted to check there for the Arcee figure. I said what the heck and went in. They didn't have it either but they had the #1 toy on my wish list instead! The Titanium G1 Ultra Magnus! I snatched up the box as if there were a troop of Transformer geeks right behind me about to take it from me. (Actually I was the only one in the Toy aisle.)

I left the store in geek heaven, the Swedish Bikini team could have passed me by and I wouldn't have noticed. I've been looking for this figure for months to no avail. My wife said it was a wonder I wasn't tearing the box open in the car before we made it home.

As I said before in another post this figure most accurately portrays the way the character appears in the original 80's cartoon. As with all Titanium figures he's not very posable, being that he was meant primarily to be a display piece. And once I transformed it into vehicle mode I realized that they had sacrificed some of it's accuracy in favor of providing the much better robot mode.

Overall it's a great little figure for a collector but not really something that you'd want to buy for a kid because it's a little too delicate. On a scale of 1-10 I'd give it an 8 just because of it's accurate portrayal of Ultra Magnus.

Ultra Magnus saying "Hi" to the rest of the boys.

The Michigan State Fair (Horsey luv!)

2007-09-01T05:17:00.000-07:00

Well something worth blogging about has happened so I'm back. Yesterday my beautiful wife and I went to the Michigan State Fair. We took my foster Mom and my nephew Georgie with us.

Once we got there we realized that we had a conflict of interests on our hands. While Stacey and I wanted to go see the farm animals, little Georgie was all about the rides! He grumbled and complained as we by-passed the midway with it's rides and games to head for the livestock.

Mom & Georgie with their new pal Johnny Bravo.

The little guy seemed to enjoy the animals too but every time we left an exhibit he'd ask "NOW can we go to the rides?" It was kinda funny and annoying at the same time but hey, what do you want? He's only 8 years old.

Georgie at one of the animal exhibits.

Yes we did eventually take Georgie to the rides and he had a ball. Stacey and I got him a bracelet so he could ride anything he was tall enough for and that little boy definitely got our money's worth out of the thing! My Mom took Georgie to the midway and that was the last we saw of them for a couple of hours. My poor Mom was SO tired by the time we left yesterday.

Georgie FINALLY getting to ride at the midway.

Meanwhile Stacey and I were on a mission. Last year when we were at the fair, we met an older horse named Amanda who was definitely the most friendly animal there. We spent a lot of time there with her and this year we were hoping that she'd be back.

Amanda is a 22yr old, Old Style Morgan. Which is getting kinda old for a horse. Her breed is known for their easy going disposition and versatility. She's a bit on the smaller size in comparison to many of the other horses there. But last year she made us forget about all the other horses there with her affectionate personality.

After searching the stables for a while we did finally find her. I didn't realize how much I'd missed her until I walked up to her stall. Amanda turned her head towards my outstretched hand and then nuzzled me in the chest and I felt my eyes grow hot with tears!

Me getting horsey luv from my Amanda.

Yep! I was about to cry for the joy of seeing my horse! I didn't even know I'd liked her that much! But once I found her part of me wanted to tell my wife and Mom to go on without me, I wanted to stay with Amanda. She nuzzled my hand and I gave her some Timothy hay I'd stolen from another exhibit just for her. While she chomped up her treat I stroked her strong neck and talked to her.

My real Dad in West Virginia would know exactly how I felt I think. When he was a kid my Grandfather kept horses to work on his farm and Dad still talks fondly of some of them as if they were old friends. Maybe it's the hillbilly in me coming out eh?

Anyway we did eventually leave the stables and continue our touring of the fair. My Wife, Mom, and Nephew all seemed to have a great time. Stacey even entered a cupcake decorating contest while we were there! I personally thought she did the best job of anyone there but unfortunately none of the judges seemed to share in my bias. Oh well maybe next year their eyes will be opened to my wife's cupcake decorating prowess.

If this isn't an a first place cupcake then I don't know what is!

One of the cuter exhibits they had at the fair was the Miracle of Life. There you can see all kinds of baby animals, most only a few days old! While a few sections were a little gross because the have live births, most were fun and directed towards children. Even Georgie seemed to forget the midway for a little while.

Some hot blond chicks.

Surprisingly, to me anyways, my wife seemed to enjoy this exhibit less than I did. I know that Stacey enjoyed it to an extent but I found out the she's not very interested in little chicks all that much. She did seem to like the larger mammals though and found a VERY cute little piglet crying for his mommy. There are pictures of the cute little fella on her blog, here.

Momma sheep and her 3 day old baby.

Finally after being at the fair for over six hours we decided it was time to go. But before we did however, I talked everyone into going to the stables one last time so I could say goodbye to my beloved Amanda.

Both of my lady loves, Stacey and Amanda.

Yes I'm still alive

2007-08-28T21:39:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't posted anything in a while but I'm still here. Just doing the daily routine this week and nothing new has really happened worth blogging about. So here's something to keep you entertained in the meanwhile. My Pug Frankie's favorite video!

Happy Birthday Georgie!

2007-08-25T17:39:00.000-07:00

Today was my nephew Georgie's birthday party! Stacey and I spent most of our afternoon there just relaxing and having fun with my family. Little Georgie ended up with $105 dollars in birthday money! Gee ,times have changed, I never ended up with more than 20-25 dollars total on a birthday when I was a kid.

It never ceases to amaze me how much Georgie likes me. I mean I'm good to him and treat him kindly but so does everyone else around there, but sometimes he makes such a big deal out of me that I get embarrassed. Today when we were pulling up to my parents house Stacey started laughing because Georgie was yelling "It's Donnie! It's Donnie!" I thought it was sweet of him but honestly it made me self-conscious about getting out of the car! lol!

As we walked up to the house Georgie eyed the gift bag I was carrying anxiously and asked "Is that for me?" I laughed and told him that he'd have to wait and see. Stacey helped me find a Transformers gift bag with Bumblebee on it so he probably suspected there was a Transformer waiting in there somewhere.

We had cake and ice cream after we all sang Happy Birthday to the little guy and he seemed to be having a ball. There were several other kids there from the neighborhood and they were all running around in the front yard playing with plastic swords.

When he opened his presents he would go give the person who gave it to him a big hug and tell them "Thanks!, I love you!" It was so cute. I was proud of him taking the time out to show his appreciation.

I think the best part of the party for me was the look on his face when he saw his presents from Stacey & I. When he got to our gift he pulled out the first Bumblebee figure and said "Wow! Nana look it's Bumblebee!" to my mom. Then he went back in the bag and found the other one and asked me with surprise "You mean you gave me YOUR Bumblebees?!" I told him yes and this seemed like a big deal to him for some reason, and I was touched.

I got my hug from him and told him that I loved him too and felt satisfied. It felt very good to give him a present that I knew he really wanted. I'd say that those two figures were worth every penny and every minute spent searching for them.

Have a very Happy Birthday Georgie, I love you.

Family time

2007-08-22T18:32:00.000-07:00

Last night I went over to visit with my foster parents and pick up my new Bumblebee figure. As soon as I entered the house my nephew Georgie yelled "Donnie!" and ran to greet me. I said my hellos and he followed me into the dining room where my package was waiting for me. When I opened it he oohed and ahhed over it like it was the most wonderful thing he'd ever seen. It was so cute.

Then he told me that he had his own transformer collection that he wanted to show me. He showed me a handful of smaller figures and I oohed and ahhed over them appropriately. I knew the little guy desperately wanted his "uncle" Donnie's approval and I told him that they were great.

Showing me one of his transformers he asked me if I had that same figure at home and being honest I told him that I didn't. I was telling the truth but I also told him this hoping that this would make him feel like he had something special to be proud of. Then the little cutie looked down at the toy seriously for a moment and then told me that if I wanted it I could have it.

That was so sweet of him that it almost brought tears to my eyes. I told him thank you but that he should hang onto it because I would go get one for myself some other time. He seemed a little disappointed over this at first, but there is no way I could have taken this little sweethearts toy from him. I don't care if it had been one of the figures I've always wanted.

I was so touched by Georgie's selflessness. Most kids wouldn't have done that I don't think. But little Georgie wanted to get my approval so bad he was willing to give me one of his toys to get it. That is just too sweet.

Saturday is his birthday party, although his real birthday is actually on Sunday. I found out from my mom that he's been wanting the bumblebee figure's from the movie ever since he saw it a few weeks ago. My sister thought that she had found what he was wanting but it had turned out to just be a statue of Bumblebee that doesn't even have any moving parts. She said that he opened it and fiddled around with it a few seconds and said "It doesn't fold up!". LOL! Poor little guy.

I went on eBay this evening and purchased the two figures from the movie again. They are a preorder and won't be shipped out until next month sometime. So I'm going to take the two opened Bumblebee toys I have here and box them up and wrap them and give them to Georgie on Saturday for his birthday. I hope that he doesn't mind that they're not still in the packages. They are in mint condition with all the paperwork and accessories, so I hope this will be o.k. with him.

Afterwards I went upstairs and visited with my foster dad for a couple of hours. I had a great time just chatting about computers and ham radios with him and a friend of the family that was also visiting. Alas time flies when your having fun and before I knew it I had to get home and go to bed.

Transformers, babies, and internet withdrawl

2007-08-19T17:00:00.000-07:00

First off let me just say that Stacey and I are NOT about to have a baby yet. I know that some family (You know who you are!) might read the title and jump to conclusions. I repeat, there's NO BABY on the way. Maybe someday, but not right now.

Now the reason I bring up babies is because Stacey and I have just spent the last half hour talking about possible baby names that we might like. (I think her biological clock is ticking on me folks, she's been bringing up babies all weekend.) At first we were seriously trying to find names we might like, but after about 15 minutes or so this degenerated to just plain ugly or funny names. Names such as Elmer Fudd, Brad Pitt, Optimus Prime and so on.

So even though Stacey rolled her eyes at the idea, I thought I'd put the question to you, constant reader, and see if you had any good ideas for our future children! So if you know any good ones or just plain funny ones leave them in the comments for us.

Second, today is the last day that my beautiful bride is fasting from the internet. It's been hard for her but I think she's going to make it. There were a few times I had to talk her away from the keyboard but she's holding out ok for the moment. I tell ya, this weekend it hasn't been pretty! First she was just a little crabby and I thought nothing of it. But I knew things were getting bad when my baby started getting the shakes. I later saw how ugly it could really become when I found her curled up under the computer desk in a fetal position clutching the mouse. She kept repeating, "Just my email! Just my email!" :)

Seriously though I'm VERY proud of my beautiful bride. I know the the weekend has been especially hard for her to abstain from the computer because that's her time to really unwind and just have fun. Instead, Stacey worked in the front yard with me helping to remove some particularly ugly bushes that she's hated since we moved in here.

However I think Geo was right when he said that I might not get the computer for a month when she goes back online. She just told me that if she even wakes up in the middle of the night tonight that she IS going to check her email! More power to ya sweetie.

And finally I have to mention Transformers. (GASP! Who'd a thunk it!? Me, talking about Transformers?!) Yep it's true, as I read someone else on the net refer to them as "plastic crack". I think it's totally true I just wish that I had thought of it first!

So, last night I was on my favorite Transformers web site and I found out there was going to be a comic and toy convention right here near my house! At first I said that I wouldn't go because I'd bought so many toys the last week or two. But this morning I just couldn't help myself so I hopped in the car and raced to the show!

I spent WAY too much money and after the beating that my wife gave me I'll be lucky if I'm walking again by Christmas! But I'd have to say that the collector in me thinks that it was well worth it. I got several figures that I'd been wanting for a long time.

Yes that's right I bought SEVEN more Transformers! Because I don't have nearly enough now.

While I was at the show I ran into a friend I know from Ypsilanti who works at a comic shop. We always talk Transformers when I go to buy my comics and he had his own table at the show selling his extra figures.

To my surprise he gave me an awesome deal on a rare Transformer figure that I never expected to get. It's name is Ratbat. It's very hard to find this guy intact because he's so delicate and the "ears" of the figure are almost always missing when I see it on eBay. But my buddy sold the figure to me for a fraction of what I'd have had to pay on eBay. To tell the truth he sold it to me cheaper than I could get it from ANYWHERE I think.

"Look Maw! I got EARS!!"

This now raises the count of figures to 267 folks! So needless to say I came home broke but a very happy geek-boy. Ahem, geek-man. :)

Finally! Bumblebee!

2007-08-18T11:19:00.001-07:00

Earlier in the week I posted that I had run all over the place trying to find a Bumblebee figure from the movie. I really did go to every store that might have him within a 25 mile radius of my home. Finally disappointed and discouraged I posted my woes here in a rant.

Later the next day I saw in my comments that my cousin who uses the screen name "Rain" would check the stores where she lives in Ohio. I thought that was SO sweet of her! She's got two children of her own to take care of as well as a boyfriend to spend time with (Not to mention a really cute pug named Jackson!) and she still took time out to go looking for a TOY for her immature cousin.

While waiting to hear back from her I continued my search and much to my surprise, my wife told me that her mom was now looking for the figure as well! Now that was amazingly sweet of her as well! I'm blessed that I have a good relationship with Stacey's parents. I love em' to death and think they're the kind of people I'd be friends with even if I wasn't married to their daughter. Both "Mom" and "Rain" are such darlings to sacrifice their time (and gas money) just to help me find a Transformer!

So anyway Thursday night just as I was getting into bed the phone started ringing. Normally I wouldn't have bothered answering it seeing that it was already past 10 o'clock. But as anyone who's read Thursday's post knows I was in a REALLY bad mood so I went to answer it just so I could tell them off for calling my house so late on a week night! (Bad Donnie!)

Well to my surprise it was my cousin "Rain"! I only get to talk to her about once a month, so no matter what , I wouldn't have yelled at her. I'm a single child but "Rain" is the closest thing I have to a sister in this world. She can get away with things that no one else besides my wife can. So anyway she was calling to tell me that she was watching an auction on eBay for Bumblebee!

I checked it out and sat up with her talking on the phone most of the night! We are ALWAYS on the phone for a long time whenever we talk. We both just enjoy the others conversation so much that we loose track of time. So that night I bid on the auction and won! And I didn't have to pay too much more than what I would have had to in the store!

This is the little sucker I was looking for! Now I can't wait for it to get here!

The next day I went to TransformersWorld2005, a website about transformers and collecting to check their message boards out and ended up finding and chatting with the same guy that I made my eBay purchase from! Small world huh?

I just want to say thanks to my cousin and Mother-in-law for all their help. It honestly didn't matter to me if they found one or not, I was genuinely touched that they would help. The fact that I DID end up getting the figure sure is a sweet icing on the cake though. :P

Exhaustion

2007-08-16T17:57:00.000-07:00

Hi folks, sorry I haven't posted in a day or two. The truth is I've just been too tired, both physically and mentally to put my thoughts into words. As you already know, last week my boss was on vacation so I had to cover for him. That is a week I hope to forget! Everything turned out well but it was so draining!

This week my boss is back but our work schedule has been hectic! With the automotive industry in it's unstable condition shops like mine are either feast or famine. Well this week it's definitely a feast! Were so busy that I'd venture to say that I'm doing more work in one day than I normally do in two!

This is good as far as job security is concerned but it's bad on my energy level. I'm not really that energetic of a person to start with and my job at normal levels leaves me very tired by the time two o'clock rolls around. I think it's harder for me because last week was so mentally stressful.

Anyway this morning I was just so drained that I couldn't face the day. I haven't missed a days work since my wife had surgery in May so I called in. I know that I shouldn't have done it but I just couldn't deal with that drama and workload today. I know, I'm a lazy butt.

Some of you may not know it but I suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, called O.C.D. for short. It gets complicated to explain what it does to me specifically but one of the things it does is cause me to suffer from depression. Usually my medication takes care of this for me but sometimes I still get down. Now is one of those times. I think that it's partly because of how tired I am.

I'm not a people person at the best of times. When I'm struggling with depression or other aspects of my O.C.D. I just don't have the mental or emotional resources to deal with people at times. I think it's really the reason why I called off today.

Most of the employees at my work only speak Spanish and since I'm one of only three bilingual people there, when I'm not inspecting parts I'm usually translating for someone. Today that just seemed too demanding for me so I played hooky!

Speaking of my mental shortcomings, I had to go see my psychiatrist today. (See?! I really AM crazy!) I go and see her about every two months just to monitor that my meds are working properly. I told her about the depression and she also thinks that part of it's just my workload right now. Also she said that sometimes, no matter what meds I may be on, the depression just breaks through.

The hard part right now is my spiritual life. It's really hard to have faith when your outlook in general is already gone kaput. I don't really want to read my bible or pray. When I do, I feel condemned for my failures or I just feel numb and want to get it over with. I will continue to both read the Word and pray anyways however because I know that God is the only one who can pull me out of this funk. I've learned that sometimes when I don't feel any faith I have to just keep doing what I know is right until my feelings catch up with me. It's easier said than done but then most things that are important usually are.

Anyway, not to worry, just like a bad burrito that's setting too heavy on your stomach, this too shall pass. There's no need to worry about me, Stacey's doing a good job of keeping me laughing, but any of you that are believers know that I do covet your prayers.

Stacey & The Internet

2007-08-14T11:48:00.001-07:00

As many of you who read my wife's blog already know, Stacey is fasting from the internet this week. To support her in this I've been trying to avoid being on the computer when she's home. The only reason I'm writing this post right now is because she's still at work and won't be home for another couple of hours.

Well, on a normal work day I have the computer until my wife gets home and then we sort of split our time on it after that. Seeing as I didn't want to tempt my beloved last night, I just got off the computer and spent the evening with her.

We had a wonderful time. We cuddled and talked a while, we played with Frankie our pug. And then in the evening we watched Miss Congeniality 2 while we ate our dinner. I must say that it was actually nice to just spend time alone together. Some days seem to blur by so quickly that it doesn't seem like we really get a chance to chat until were in bed at night. I often worry if I'm neglecting Stacey because of this.

We are both only children so were pretty independent most of the time. Often we just like to pursue our individual interests together in the same room but not really talking that much. I really enjoy that we can be alone in silence sometimes and there's no awkwardness to it.

But I think times like last night are really important too. It was a chance to reconnect and just have fun. I wouldn't have married Stacey if she wasn't also the best friend I've ever had, I just enjoy being with her. I told Stace to be thinking about what she'd like to do together after work tonight and I'm looking forward to hopefully another evening like yesterday.

Usually Friday night after work is our date night when we do all our catching up from the week. But I'm thinking about proposing the idea that at least one other night a week we just turn this computer off and do something together here around the house. What do you think about this?

Collecting Woes

2007-08-13T15:08:00.000-07:00

Most of this weekend was a waste of time for me. I spent most of the day Friday and Saturday on the road going from store to store trying to find two transformers I REALLY want and finding bupkiss.

Lets see I went to;

4 Meijers
4 Targets
2 Toys R Us
2 Kohls
& 1 KB Toys

And what do I have to show for it? An empty gas tank. }:- (

And what figures pray tell were I looking for? The first is the 2008 Concept Camaro version Bumblebee figure from the new movie. I have the 70's camaro version but the '08 was recently released and I wanted to get one at the store because on eBay they're going for 30+ dollars. If you can find one in the store they're only about 17 dollars. Now I think I know why I couldn't find one. Everyone's buying them up in the stores to sell on eBay!

The second figure was a long shot in the first place. It's the Titanium version of G1 Ultra Magnus. This figure was not released in stores when it came out 6-8 months ago. The only way to get it was from online toy dealers and the going price was $50. I wanted the figure terribly because it was the closest representation of the character in it's original 80's form. But I couldn't justify that high of a price for a figure from a series that retails for $16.

This is Ultra Magnus as he appeared in the 80's cartoon series.

As you can see this version of the toy is a very faithful translation of the charater.

Well, last week Target did their fall reset in the toy aisles and many people online reported finding the elusive Ultra Magnus figure! I was so geeked! I went online and found several locations near me and checked them two or three different times last week. But alas to no avail. :-(

The worst part? Even if I wanted to get the figures online now I probably can't all the online dealers sold out several weeks ago. So now BOTH of these bots will be added to my wish list of hard to find figures. Sadly this list is long as it is and their prices on Ebay will only continue to go up.

So to ease my woes I went to Hollywood Video and bought a bunch of used DVDs. (Which is just as stupid a waste of our hard earned money as the transformer toys I was looking for by the way.) But I'm the type that spends money when I'm depressed or mad and I was both so I got quite a few.

I bought;

Pan's Labyrinth

The Messengers

Slither

The Grudge 2

Feast

The Return

Miss Congeniality 2

(This last mostly for Stacey but hey I don't mind watching it, Sandra Bullock's cute! :P )

I'd have to say that the only part of my weekend that wasn't a waste of either time or money was going to church on Sunday and afterwards having lunch with my beautiful wife in Royal Oak.

Quick Update

2007-08-10T07:39:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, I was just browsing around in my pictures and I found the one that was attached to the infamous email that introduced my to Stacey so for your viewing pleasure I present "Lizzy"

Now tell me how could I resist a smile like that?

Internet Romance

2007-08-09T07:47:00.001-07:00

I thought today I'd like to tell you about how I met my wonderful wife. We've been married for over a year now, (Yay!) and I was thinking about how grateful I am to have her in my life.

So one morning I'm in my "bachelor pad" and for no apparent reason I woke up and wanted to check my e-mail. Nothing but junk mail. But one caught my eye for some reason. A year or two before I had created a profile on a Christian dating site called Bigchurch.com. I had long since given up on finding someone on the internet and normally just deleted any messages from them with only the most casual of glances.

But this morning I was moved to open it up and see what matches they had sent me. Right there at the top was a girl with a beautiful smile whose screen name was Lizzy. I thought she was pretty but didn't really have much hope. You see I'm usually very shy about talking to folks on the internet so I didn't contact people very often.

Anyway I was between churches and since her profile said that she lived in Detroit like me, I thought maybe I'd contact her and see what churches she knew in the area. I was pretty sure she'd probably be a very different denomination than me and doubted she'd respond back even if she wasn't. (Can you tell I'm a pessimist?)

Anyway to my surprise she wrote me back and we talked over e-mail a few times. This eventually led to the exchange of phone numbers and for a week or two we talked over the phone. I really had my guard up and didn't want to have any hopes that might get dashed so I didn't try to push things any further than that.

I guess I was moving too slow however because one night Stacey just came out and asked me, "So, when are you going to ask me out?" I was shocked! Not at her forwardness so much as just the idea she'd want to meet a guy she met on the internet. I said ok but how did she know I wasn't an axe murderer. And as that goes how did I know that SHE wasn't an axe murderer?

Here are a few drawings that Stacey Emailed me back when I asked her how did she know I wasn't an axe murder. Isn't she a great artist?

I love how she has blood dripping of the axe!

So we had our first date at the Detroit Institute of Arts about a week later. We viewed a blown glass collection that was there for a limited time. It was freezing cold outside and Stacey walked in bundled in her coat and frozen to the bone. Almost immediately her glasses began to fog up and I could tell that she was terribly embarrassed as she had a seat on a bench and took them off to clean them.

Her already pink face frozen from the chilling cold wind turned a bright red as she blushed with her embarrassment. She was SO cute and I wanted to put my arm around her and tell her not to be embarrassed, that I wasn't going to laugh at her or judge her on something like that. But I was too afraid of being too familiar with a stranger to do much of anything besides tell her it was ok, don't worry about it.

As we stood in line to pay our admission to the exhibit I felt so comfortable with her that I had to stop myself from putting my arm around her shoulders. This realization shocked me and I was afraid that I was just being needy.

The exhibit turned out to be one of the most boring either of us had ever seen so we spent most of the tour talking and getting to know each other better. Cracking jokes all the while about the ugly displays.

To make an already long post shorter I'll jump ahead and say that Stacey and I really hit it off! (Obviously!) While I had my doubts about things at first, we soon found that we had found someone who "got" us. We are both a little eccentric for lack of a better word and most people don't really understand us.

But it worked out that we understood each other. And the longer I've known Stacey the more I've loved her. We got engaged VERY early on in the relationship, only a couple of weeks in actually. But we knew that only fools rush in so we set the date about a year and a half down the road.

During that time we both got to see each other through a surgery and get to know our families. Mine being a little bit fruity (like me) and Stacey's being quite warm and welcoming. Stacey's generous nature and deep desire and minister in her community really communicated her heart towards God and others to me.

Many people raised in the suburbs would scoff at the idea of moving to the inner city to teach school at a non-profit Christian organization. But Stacey showed me that her true priorities were straight by doing just that. This nature of hers challenges me to be more sacrificial of myself and my time as I pursue a relationship with God.

Finally on May 3rd of 2006 we said our marriage vows in the back yard of my rented flat in Detroit. That may not sound romantic to some but it's the same house that my parents were married and the back yard was where they had their reception and wedding photos. It was Stacey's idea that we honor their love and marriage by having our own ceremony there.

Thus far I'd have to say that marriage is better than many of my friends and co-workers would have had me to believe. Some of them hearing that now would say that I'm just a love struck fool who's still on his honeymoon. Maybe it's even true but I hope I never change. Is it foolish to want to keep that same zeal for your spouse that you have in the beginning for the rest of your life?

The word of God says that I'm to lay down my life for my wife the way Jesus Christ did for the church. If the world calls that being a "fool" then I am. A fool for Christ and for my wife. My prayer is that my love for Stacey and her for me would only grow stronger over time. And I pray that it only be out shined by our love for God. Who woke me up to check my email one morning so that I could meet my bride.

Stress!

2007-08-07T14:46:00.000-07:00

So far this has not been the best of weeks. I arrived at work Monday to discover that my supervisor had decided to go on vacation for this week and not tell me.

Now some of you might be thinking "Big deal, the boss being away is a good thing!" But not in my case it isn't. You see I work at a CNC Lathing and heat tempering plant as a quality inspector. Mostly we make axles for the big three. And this week we're working on a prototype part that might lead to the company getting more work. Usually my supervisor would be working on something like this while I handled the regular day-to-day inspections. But now he's on vacation and I have to handle the inspections for the prototype!

It's not that the part itself is so bad, it's a little more difficult than say a part we do every day but still not too big of a deal. A big part of the problem is working with one of the Production Manager's named John. John is a very loud opinionated man who is VERY impatient and unforgiving of mistakes. He wants everything done NOW and he wants it perfect the very first time!

John also loves to place blame. If something goes wrong it's NEVER his fault. It's always yours. Several times in the past he has laid the blame on me and caused problems for me. I know that I'm not supposed to hold a grudge and I try my best not to. But even forgiving him the best I know how doesn't keep me from trying to watch out for the next thing that I might be blamed for.

Setting up a part doesn't work that way however. John is the one who sets up the lathe to run the new part and NO first setup is ever right the very first time. So I have this manager who loves to blow his top looking over my shoulder all the while I'm measuring a part that I'm unfamiliar with.

Now, to his credit, John has been very good to work with so far this week. He hasn't blown his top so far. But that's the key phrase, "so far" I've worked with John for almost five years so I generally know how to deal with him. But from that experience I know that he could blow up at any time and it's usually something small that you'd least expect that causes it, that keeps me on my toes.

Any of you who know me know that I don't like to argue and that I don't have the best temper myself. So the last few days have been very stressful trying to do my regular work and at the same time help with setting up this prototype.

Now add to this situation the heat. It's been 88+ degrees the last two days and very high humidity. Now, my shop heat treats parts in large ovens and that means that whatever the temperature is outside it's 15-20 degrees hotter inside. Were all melting in there! The heat was so bad that yesterday I was ill after returning home after work.

Luckily this morning I woke up feeling fine. The last thing I wanted was to go to work and already be sick in this situation. And with my boss on vacation there would be no one to cover for me so I couldn't have called off.

God has definitely been a big help through this. I believe that it is He who is causing John to be so easy going. Also when things at work have been at a hectic pace, I've felt His calming presence with me. If nothing else I believe that this week is definitely teaching me to lean on the Lord more heavily to help me get through my day.

The Dead Walk!

2007-08-05T15:44:00.000-07:00

Well, not really, but in the movies they do!

You may have noticed that I've tried to improve my blog a bit over the last couple of days. I've added fields on the side bar telling friends what music I'm currently listening to, what books I've been reading and what movie I last watched.

You'll notice that today's little update to movies was Resident Evil: Apocalypse. I absolutely love zombie movies. And lately I've been on a big time zombie kick. Unfortunately there aren't very many good ones out there. Oh, there are tons of zombie movies but most of them are hideously bad.

For a zombie movie to be good it has to be well written enough that I care about the characters. And most importantly it has to scare me. Very few are able to accomplish that last part but I at least want to be fearful for the characters.

One of the best writers and directors in the zombie genre is George A. Romero. I love the feel that his movies have. They are claustrophobic and you're constantly afraid for the characters. There are very few moments (if any) in his films where the characters ever truly are safe.

Many Romero fans site Night Of The Living Dead as his best zombie film but for me, it's Dawn Of The Dead. The original 1978 version is what I'm talking about, not the 2004 remake(While the remake is an ok film.) The '78 version of the film has very weak special effects in most parts but it has a realism about it that makes you think this is what it would actually be like if there was a zombie outbreak.

Now, the reason that I like zombies so much is simple. They can scare me. Of all the horror premises I've seen (ghost's, demons, serial killer etc..) zombies are the one that are consistently frightening to me. I think that it may come from the natural fear of death that we all have, but I don't claim to be a psychiatrist. In truth I don't really care why, if I knew that might ruin it for me and that would be a shame.

All I know, is if I really wanna watch something and get a good case of the heebie-geebies, all I gotta do is watch a good zombie movie.

A funny side note. My wife can't stand to watch most horror movies because they scare her to death and give her nightmares, with the exception of zombie movies. She says that they don't scare her in the least!

Sadly, most of what passes for horror these days is just gore. The Saw films are really interesting movies that I enjoy but to me they are in no way horror. They have a lot of blood and guts but nothing really frightens me about them. The same is true for Hostel, lots of gore, not scary.

To me, a movie is scary when the tension builds and the suspense is driving you crazy! These two elements cause your fear to rise and make you afraid even if most or all of the killing is done off screen. If you don't believe me go and watch the original Halloween. I've noticed that there is actually very little blood and/or violence in this movie compared to modern horror movies. But the suspense of when is Michael Meyers gonna pop out of the shadows and get them plays with your nerves and you can't help but jump!

So if any of you know of any lesser known zombie or horror movies that really scared you let me know.

The Dark Tower

2007-08-04T00:38:00.000-07:00

First off I hope everyone has noticed that I've added a few things to the blog. I thought it would be good to make a few lists on the sidebars to my favorite sites on the web and such.

One thing you will also notice is a new little blurb to the right entitled "What I'm currently reading". The name is self-explanatory so I wont bore you telling what you already know. But instead I'd like to tell you a little about the book itself and the series that it is a part of.

Most constant readers of Stephen King are already familiar with this series called The Dark Tower. But to my surprise I've met a few King fans who haven't read his "Magnum Opus". Usually when I ask why they say that they tried the first book and it wasn't like his other novels. A few others say that they don't like to read series of books that take more than one volume to tell the whole story. Whatever their reason they don't know what they are missing.

The Dark Tower series was inspired by the poem Childe Roland To The Dark Tower Came written by Robert Browning around 1855. It tells the story of Roland who is questing to reach a dark tower and his adventures getting there. It is a very dark poem but full of rich descriptions.

Stephen Kings character, Roland, the last gunslinger is also questing to find a dark tower. It is a quest not only to save his world but ALL worlds. The first volume, The Gunslinger focuses mainly on the main character Roland and his pursuit of a villian called The Man In Black. Who also happens to be a villain a from a few of Kings other novels, The Stand, being one of them.

I think many readers are thrown off by the first volume because it feels a bit different than most of Stephen King's work. It's hard to explain but to me King's writing style is a bit different than his other books. However, starting with the second volume, The Drawing of The Three, Stephen's regular writing style seems to come through and if most readers make it here they're gonna get hooked on this series.

What is really amazing to me is that nearly EVERY book Stephen King has ever published ties into the Dark Tower in some way. It is my opinion that those who only read his other works can't fully appreciate what King has accomplished here. Even as early as King's second novel, Salem's Lot, directly connects to the Dark Tower so that I have to think that Mr. King was planning on creating this huge web of stories from the very start. Whether this was done consciously or subconsciously only he knows.

Recently, the final volume, The Dark Tower 7 was published. King had been very slow about putting these volumes out in the beginning. Usually only about 1 book every 5-7 years and this drove fans crazy! But a while back tragically, Stephen was severely hurt when he was hit by a mini-van when taking an evening stroll. This somehow make Mr. King aware of his mortality and his desire to finish the series, and he published the last three volume in rapid succession.

I've read almost all of Kings books and I can easily say that The Dark Tower series is by far my favorite. It is connected to so many of my other favorites such as It, The Talisman, Black House, Insomnia, Salem's Lot and many others. Even some of his short stories are indirectly connected to it. It makes me feel like I'm revisiting those other novels as well.

Another treat is that Marvel Comics has reached an agreement with King to publish a mini-series of comic books called The Gunslinger Born, that tell some of the back story of the main character, Roland. So for those fans saddened that the series is complete can revisit that world before the first book takes place.

Anywho, I've babbled along long enough about this for now so I'll shut up now.

What are you doing still here?

Go on, get out there and buy the first volume, you don't know what your missing!

My Transformers Movie Review

2007-08-02T12:14:00.000-07:00

As my post two days ago should show, I'm a huge transformers fan. Ever since the movie has been released all my friends keep asking me what I thought of it. I thought I'd post it here so that from now on I'll just direct them to my blog.

First off, I really had reservations about this movie because all the pictures I saw of the robot's designs looked terrible to me. They looked very different than the blocky forms I have grown so used to since my childhood. The only way I can describe my first impression of the pics I saw before the movie is "insect-like". In some ways they actually looked almost organic and I didn't like this very much.

However, as soon as I saw these figures moving on-screen I was put at ease. To tell the truth, I was so caught up in the story that I didn't think twice to criticize the robot's designs. And when Prime transforms to robot mode for the first time it nearly took my breath away. Here was my childhood hero brought to life! (I'm such a dork!)

I loved the voice acting! Peter Cullen was the original voice of Optimus Prime back in the 80's. And to me, anyone who has voiced the character in the later cartoons are poor imitations. It was great to have the "real" Optimus Prime in the movie. I also loved Hugo Weaving's work as the voice of Megatron.

Peter Cullen aka...

...Optimus Prime

Hugo Weaving aka...

...Megatron

As far as the storytelling goes, I generally liked it. There is lots of humor and I never thought I'd LOL at the theater as much as I did. Especially at a Transformers movie. I say that I "generally" liked the storytelling because sometimes the fight scenes were hard to follow. When the camera was pulled back for a medium or far shot everything was easily understandable, but several times when two bots were fighting, the camera was so close to the action that it was hard to tell one character from another, much less what they were actually doing. This is a minor gripe however and overall I thought the story was great.

I loved the movie score and immediately went in search of it. Unfortunately all that is available is the soundtrack. (Which I bought.) At the moment there are no plans to release the movies orchestral score which is a shame. But I'm sure that one will be released eventually.

I've been to see the film twice so far and have been invited by a friend to go see it again. (Finances permitting.)

There were two things I didn't like in the film however. First the language. While I don't consider myself a saint I was surprised by the Transformers themselves cursing in this movie. While I can understand it that people talk this way and easily accepted the human characters profanity, I was shocked to hear the bots curse. It's my feeling that if they were supposed to be so much more of a "mature" species than the humans they would have outgrown profanity long ago.

The second thing that bothered me about the movie was how much more powerful Megatron was than Optimus Prime. This really ticked me off, it seemed to me that it was all Optimus could do to survive for the few minutes they actually fought. At one point, before the battle begins Prime actually tries to cover the bases in case he gets killed in the battle by telling Sam to throw the Allspark Cube into his chest if it looks like he's gonna die!

This is completely out of character for the Optimus Prime of the cartoon. The Prime I know is able to go toe-to-toe with Megatron and fight him to a standstill. That was part of their dynamic as each other's nemesis. Megatron could basically trash any regular autobot he wanted, that was until Prime showed up. Optimus Prime was the one guy that could match Megatron in raw strength and thus stand up to him.

In general though I think that Transformers is the best movie to come out this year and I recommend that you go out and see it if you already haven't.

Trusting God

2007-08-02T07:59:00.000-07:00

An iteresting thing happened to my wife and I yesterday I want to tell you about.

I was layed off of work for the first two weeks of July. I didn't have any vacation time available to use for the extended time off so obviously that meant no pay for those two weeks. I suppose I could have tried to apply for unemployment but I was greatly distracted by a tooth ache at the time while trying to plan a trip to WV to see my dad.

So the way things worked out was that since we only get paid every two weeks at my shop, we have been about 5 weeks without a paycheck. My wife works as a nanny and we've been making due with her income but it's not enough what with gas prices so high and a mortgage to pay and such.

Last friday I began to get very frustrated with our situation. It feels like I'm working for nothing! I've been working the last 2 and a half weeks and were broke! I didn't want to say anything to my wife because I didn't want to burden her or maybe even start her worrying if she wasn't.

So last night Stacey came home from work in a bit of a mood and said almost exactly the same things to me that I had been feeling for the last week now. In some ways it was a relief to know I wasn't alone feeling this way. In another way it made me feel terrible! I feel like a failure as a provider because my wife has to be bothered with the money situation at all. I'm old fashioned and look at providing for the family monitarily as my responsibility.

I have no problem with Stacey working but I want it to be for her own personal gratification not because she has too. That's why I've already told her that as soon as we pay off the mortgage she can quit her job if she wants. Or look for something else she likes better and not worry about the pay rate.

Anyway I reminded Stacey that God would ultimately provide for us no matter what our work situations were. She said she already knew this and had just read that in the bible that morning during her devotional bible reading.

Well today she sent me a text message at work excited because she unexpectedly came into some extra funds! How's that for faithfulness? God knows our needs before we ask and already has provision for us.

Also, thank God, tomorrow is payday for me. I think things are going to continue to be tight for a few more weeks untill we get caught up on all the bills, but I really needed the added encouragement of God's help today.

Anyway I'm posting while on my lunch break, gotta go!

Transformers!

2007-07-31T16:25:00.000-07:00

Well hello! Remember me? I know I NEVER remember to post any updates on here. Partly because I'm a lazy-butt and partly because I have such a boring life! :)

Anyway, I was at work today thinking about how I never think of anything to blog about when I realized I did have something I could blog about from time to time.

Yes ladies and germs I am a 31 year old child. I have loved the transformers since I first saw the G1 (Generation 1 for those not in the know.) cartoon in early 1985. Being from a poor family in Detroit, I only had a select few of the toys while growing up. Then puberty hit and I forgot all about them.

Fast forward to 2002, I was living in my first place a condo/apartment in Fraser MI. Being a typical male my place had no decoration at all. What photos I owned could all fit inside my wallet at the same time and the artwork I owned was all things that I myself had drawn. To me it seemed conceited to use my own humble comic art to dress the place up so I was at a loss for what to do.

A couple of days later I was at a Meijer and I saw new transformer toys in the store and decided to buy an Optimus Prime figure. After that I was hooked! I started using eBay to get the old figures I owned as a kid and soon every shelf in my living room was littered with them!

Anyway, now that I'm married my bots are mostly confined to a room in our basement. I haven't counted how many I have in about a year but the last time I did the count was at about a hundred or so figures. I'd almost bet I'm at about two hundred by now, or at least pretty close.

My wife loves to tease me about them saying that I'm child, but for the most part she tolerates my hobby and I love her for it. She puts up with me spending a lot of money on these little pieces of plastic and I'm grateful for her patience.

So here is a look at SOME of my collection.

I decided that for now I'll only show my Optimus Primes and one of the shelves. There are a few more displays about the room but these are the largest.

My darling wife likes to tease and say that she's going to sell them all one day when I die for a quarter a piece! Doesn't she know that just means I have to get a million more so that she still ends up rich when selling them at that price?! :P

Suprise!

2007-05-08T14:54:00.000-07:00

Well I know that it's been a long time since I've posted anything here but moving into our new house has really been an experience! But I think that life is finally starting to settle down into a routine of some kind. That's good 'cause I can't stand not knowing what's going on from day-to-day.
My Dad had his operation and so far everything seems well. More will be known about his condition once he goes back to the doctor in about two more weeks for a check-up.
My wife goes in for surgery on her thyroid gland on May 17th. Pray that everything goes well.

Well gotta run but I'll try to write more sometime this week. And if you're good I might even post a few pictures! :P

Troubles and tribulations

2007-03-13T07:59:00.000-07:00

Well, my wife has been sick for the last few weeks and just lately has started to feel better. The doctor said that she has an over active thyroid gland. This has caused her heart to "thicken" which boils down to she has an enlarged heart. We are waiting for test results to see what will be done about these things.
Then, saturday I found out that my Dad is really sick. He woke up bleeding profusely from his bladder and had to be rushed to the hospital. He's home now and is wearing a cathider. But sometime this week he has to go in for surgery. My uncle is trying to force my Dad to come up here to MI from WV because he doesn't trust the country "sawbones". And my Dad refuses to come.
In the meantime I want to rush down there to be with him but my work doesn't want to give me the time off for it. I used up all my vacation time for Christmas.
I feel torn between my vow to forsake all others for my wife and honoring my father. But I've decided that I must cleave to my wife and stay here so as not to loose my job. God will have to care for my Dad, which I'm sure he can. But I still feel bad about not being there....

Better a late post than none I suppose..

2007-03-06T07:55:00.000-08:00

Well, the move is OVER. However in the move my PC somehow got messed up so I had to work on it over the weekend to get it up and running again. I won't have Internet at home until sometime after the 12th of this month so there won't be much until then.

Moving

2007-02-27T08:00:00.000-08:00

Over the weekend my wife and I moved into our new house. This was very fun and exciting. But as anyone who has moved all their earthly belongings from one place to another can attest, it's also VERY exhausting!

To make things more tiring we also painted the house over the weekend. It seemed like the work would never end. Now we have what feels like a thousand boxes to unpack, furniture to place and things to clean. This is tiring too but it's also kinda fun.

The difficulty is that we still have about 20% of our things still at the old apartment waiting to be brought over. So last night I went to the apartment to pack these things up and bring what I could to the new house. I can't bring much at a time because all I have is a little Chevy Cavalier. I can fit maybe three or four big boxes in the car at a time. There are about 15 or so boxes worth of stuff still in the apartment at this time, so it's going to be a long arduous process.

Last night, while I was at the apartment I called the wife to come and help me. I could tell that she really resented this process even though she didn't say much. She's a trooper and I'm proud of her biting down and doing her best to help me pack things even though she didn't feel like it.

So today after work I hope to bless her if I can. I've arranged the use of a truck with a friend at work to hopefully get everything moved today while my wife is busy at a mentoring program she works at on tuesdays. I'd love to suprise her and tell her that the apartment's empty when she gets home tonight.

Please pray that God will give me the strength and grace to get this accomplished.

First Post

2007-02-23T08:10:00.000-08:00

Hello all, welcome to my first post on my new blog! What I hope to do here is simply keep a record of my meadering thoughts and concerns, while trying to be honest. Thus the name "Transparency"
I'm a 30 year old married male christian. I've been married less than a year and we will soon be moving into our first house! To say the least the last few months have been a growing experience for me and that's what's led to this blog.

The bible teaches that a man is supposed to lay down his life for his wife. A very daunting task but ultimately the very best thing I can do to have a sucessful marriage I believe.

Also the Word teaches that I am supposed to be the priest of my home. This to me is just as daunting! I'm not the strongest christian in the first place and now I'm to adopt the role of "Priest of my home?"

I believe that every word of the bible is true and thus God knows what he's doing putting these responsibilities on me. However I don't always know what I'm doing! Or when I do realize what I WAS doing it's too late! I've failed in my calling as a husband.

Anyway I got to thinking and realize that I can't be the only christian man struggling with these issues. I know that nobody is perfect and all fall short, so I thought it might be encouraging to other christian men if I created an online diary of my life and it's struggles. My goal here is to be transparent about my faults and mistakes so that others may hopefully see something that they can identify with. Maybe your coment can help me to be a better christian, husband, or servant. And maybe my posts will help anyone with similar struggles to not give up.
I don't know how this will all turn out in the end. Maybe in the end no one will read this. Maybe I'll bore you to death! And part of me thinks it may be arrogance on my part to think I can be of any help to anyone else. Time and God will tell me in the end though. And don't we have to make mistakes sometimes to learn how to do things right?
Anyway thanks to anyone who's spared any of their precious time to read this. Any and all comments are welcome.